“Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you’ve already got.” This quote from Cathy Guisewite focuses on what has already been accomplished rather than a to-do list for the weeks ahead. When you think about the Holiday Season, it should be about looking back and appreciating what you have and have done, and how far you have come. We are already entered into that end-of-the-year phase when we are drawn into a frenzy of expectations and goals to be met. Many of us struggle with this challenge because we feel pressed to measure up to our own and others’ expectations for the coming December Olympiad of things that must be done.
A better use of our time is to look forward to bringing our boat into safe harbor after a year at sea – quietly, patiently, with gratitude. You worked hard this year, and you deserve to savor this accomplishment. Now is the time to negotiate a calmer Holiday with your loved ones. Pam Brown tells us, “We expect too much at Christmas. It’s got to be magical. It has got to go right. Feasting. Fun. The perfect present. All that anticipation. Take it easy. Love’s the thing. The rest is just tinsel.”
Perhaps working at this should be our Christmas present to ourselves. Our goal could be to unpack this Holiday Season. For example, I admire several of my friends who have escaped the Christmas card frenzy and now write a note in January commenting on a card or newsletter received in December. They respond on their own schedule and send Holiday greetings in the quieter, less rushed month of January. Hurray for them! They have taken the Holidays into their own hands, by NOT trying to get it all done by a December date.
What activities could we decide to do after the Holidays? Maybe gift purchases that could be made at lower prices? That would certainly short-circuit the financial pressure of buying everything during the Holidays. Are there traditions, visits, or activities we participate in every year that add stress with limited satisfaction to our schedules? Is this something that should be discussed with a partner and other family members? The goal would be to do less and enjoy more with those we love.
You might experience “push-back” from family members who cherish certain traditions, but you also may be pleasantly surprised by a comment like, “Yeah, I agree, it is a hassle to do that (fill in the blank) every year.” It is worth mentioning that bringing up alternatives in a family conversation should be done without the expectation of changes in your family Holiday traditions. A novel idea about how to spend the Holidays may be accepted or rejected, but being open to either outcome can lower stress.
Another way to bring together the people who live under your roof is a recommendation from Dr. Chris Mosunic. He suggests that each person write down something they are grateful for and then insert the paper in a jar. This can be done every day leading up to the main celebration. When that day arrives, everyone gathers together and takes turns reading one of the slips of paper aloud to everyone. This group activity can set a pleasant tone in the household.
Yes, it is a season to slow down, search for quiet, meditate by the fireplace, or visit a church if that is your place of comfort. Another way to keep a focus on the season is to look for small ways to bring a smile to the face of a neighbor, elderly person, or that challenging cousin – something thoughtful that leaves you feeling positive with someone who is overlooked or maybe difficult. Give without expectations. You can use the Holidays as a reboot for relationships that have gone sour.
Another idea for rejuvenation is to consider a trip to a place where you find solace. Keep it simple – at most, a day trip. It can be a short visit to a shrine, church, temple, or mosque. Yes, your happy place – a beach, a waterfall, a covered bridge, or a vantage point that looks down on a beautiful forest, desert, or lake. It can also be a place where you get a favorite meal, a coffee shop, or a comfortable seat by a fireplace. Take time to visit this spot and consider making this a yearly tradition.
Such a trip serves to put you in a favorite place to enjoy what appeals to you. It takes you away from the bustle of this busy season. This is a way to take care of yourself, and this exercise teaches us that each of us can fashion the Holiday Season in a way that calms us and brings a smile to our face. I’ll leave you with two thought-provoking gems. The first is a few lines from the Loving Kindness Meditation, appropriate for any season. May you be at peace, may your heart remain open, may you awaken to the light of your own true nature, may you be healed, and may you be a source of healing for all beings.
These lines reflect an approach that fosters a therapeutic relationship that each of us should work to have with ourselves. And the second, “To appreciate Christmas to the full, one must know how it feels to be deprived of its blessings.” This quote by Carlos P. Romulo sums it up. Getting through the Holidays does not need to be a painful and exhausting experience. In fact, if you do it right, it can be the exact opposite. Now go have an amazing and relaxing Holiday month!