It’s springtime, baby! Time for truck shows to kick off and wheels to be polished. It’s also the time of year when some of my friends and family tend to have time available to ride along in the truck for a road trip. I do enjoy having someone along for the ride, but I have been accused of laying down some oddball rules for the rider to adhere to. Rules like, no sleeping while I’m awake (I do this to challenge the rookies to try to endure the same long hours behind the windshield that we face daily); it’s best to give me ample warning if a potty break is needed; and the stereo dial is mine! Also, absolutely no smoking, no feet on the dash and no flatulence on my seats. Of course, I mostly impose these rules to be silly, but there’s a lot of truth in sarcasm. So, it’s best to just follow the rules anyway. I hope you get a laugh from my “Rules for Riders” poem installment here this month. Enjoy!
RULES FOR RIDERS
By Trevor Hardwick
You say you wanna ride along, you say you wanna roll,
There’s just a couple little rules, I think that you should know.
I’d love to have the company, I’ll gladly take you with,
You’ll love me for a day or two, and hate me by the fifth.
The rules apply, as follows: no cigarettes or ash,
And keep your little footsies, off my mother-lovin’ dash!
Tell me way ahead of time, if you need a potty break,
Or if you’re getting nauseous, with a travelin’ tummy ache.
Restroom breaks are seldom, or few and far between,
And my cab is not a trashcan, so let’s try to keep it clean.
I control the stereo, so keep your digits off the knob,
You might be on vacation, but I’m here to do a job.
Help yourself to all the snacks, refreshments are on me,
But keep the clutter off the dash, for everyone to see.
You’re bound to get an upset gut, ‘cause road food ain’t the best,
The pastries and the greasy grub, will put you to the test.
You’ll feel a little grumble, then you’ll hear a little groan,
You’ll feel a little queasy, and you’ll wish that you were home.
The truck stop food will get ya’, in the daytime or the night,
It’s always gonna hit ya’, when there’s no relief in sight.
Go easy on the hot-case food, go easy on the treats,
Come along and ride with me, but be careful what you eat.
So let me mention one more rule, and I’ll try to be discreet,
DO NOT do “pull-my-finger,” in my Eldorado seat!