CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!

BY DRIVER & POET TREVOR HARDWICK

Anyone who has traveled I-5 on a regular basis through Northern California is surely familiar with the Exxon Truck Stop at Pollard Flat.  It’s located at Exit 712 in Lakehead, CA.  The unique thing about this particular mom-and-pop cafe is the restroom prank that they have been surprising visitors with for 56 years!  The place has a single restroom that has a woman mannequin in a bathtub for unsuspecting patrons to walk in on.  As if that’s not enough, they have a button on the outside wall that activates a hair-curling scream that will usually turn most people red with embarrassment.  It’s a lot of fun to witness.  Another unique thing about the Pollard Flat Exxon is its location – it is found in the exact middle of I-5 between Canada and Mexico.  If you’ve never seen this place, I encourage you to swing in there on your way through, but consider yourself warned!

THE I-5 SURPRISE
By Trevor Hardwick

Interstate 5, through three states, from Seattle to the Bay,
I ran it only once week, but it seemed like every day.
One day, rollin’ southbound, on a hum-drum summer day,
I found myself in Pollard Flat, at a mom-and-pops café.

I’ve passed this place a million times, I’d stop there if I could,
I always saw a bunch of trucks, so I guess the food is good.
It’s south of Dunsmuir scales, but north of Shasta Lake,
A peaceful California spot, to stop and take a break.

I idled in the dusty lot, and parked by “Buster Brown,”
The wind was dancing playfully, with dust-whirls on the ground.
I walked inside the little store, and was greeted with a smile,
It’s nice to see that kind of thing, it sure has been a while.

The café there was bustling, with sounds of coffee cups,
And the chuckles of some drivers, as they built their stories up.
But then I noticed several eyes, were fixed upon my pace,
As I headed for the restroom, to wash my weary face.

I turned the knob – it wasn’t locked, so I opened up the door,
A woman in a bathtub screamed, and I damn-near hit the floor!
I tried to muster-up the words, but none of them would stick,
She screamed just like the woman, in that Alfred Hitchcock flick.

I turned back toward the café crowd, without my dignity,
My eyes were fixed upon the floor, but theirs were fixed on me.
I wiped my brow, then said, “Whoops!”  My face was crimson red,
I almost made it to the door, when the friendly waitress said:

“Mister, that was just a joke, won’t you come back in?
That woman that you saw in there, was just a mannequin!
Her scream is wired to a switch, that’s mounted on the wall,
Try it for yourself,” she said, “You’re gonna have a ball!”

Reluctantly, I found a seat, and ordered beef on rye,
I must admit, I couldn’t wait, to give this thing a try.
Halfway through my sandwich, I saw a tourist hurry in,
His toddler had to go so bad, and I began to grin.

Through the little store, and past the tables on the right,
They headed for the restroom door, much to my delight!
As soon as they walked in, I pushed the button on the wall,
The bathtub dummy screamed, and so did they, and that was all!

Call me what you will, I made a little toddler cry,
I laughed so hard I even brought, a teardrop to my eye!
If you’re ever out at Pollard Flat, in Lakehead, California,
Stop and grab a bite to eat, just don’t say I didn’t warn ya!